The relationship thread

I figured general chat could use a thread to talk about relationships with V-Day coming up. To start things off, I could use some advice about getting into a relationship.

Well back in highschool I met this awesome girl during our senor year. We were in the same english class and talked quite a bit during that class and there did seem to be some chemistry between us. She was beautiful, laid back and easy to talk to. However graduation came and we lost contact (i.e. I chickened out of asking for her e-mail or phone number).

Ok so I move on as the next couple years go by. Then, late last year, I finally went ahead and got a myspace page and for the hell of it, sent her a friend request. She accepted and the two of us have had a couple short comment conversations. And I went ahead and checked out her pics. She's just a pretty and seems just as cool so needless to say at this point, that crush came back with avengance.

Though there is one little hitch... She's a marine and is stationed in San Diego, while I still live in the same little western Maryland town I did during highschool. Those of you that know U.S. geography will know that San Diego is very, very far away from any part of Maryland. So a date or just hanging out is out of the question. I really want to find out if I have a shot with her, but I'm not sure what my first step should be.

Long distance sucks, and it never works, no matter how hard you try. Even when it is working, it's extremely painful being away from each other all the time.

When is she getting out? does she plan to return to maryland when she's done? (probably not, california rox.) Could you go visit her? Maybe see if things can work out in real life before you decide you're in love with her, she might turn out to be someone you just want to be friends with or vice versa.

Definitely agreed with Flux. I did the long-distance things once; failed to learn my lessons, and got pretty well trashed for it. The emotion and feeling of it can be exhilerating if she decides she likes you, too. But spending real, in-person time together is absolutely essential.

Now, from that point, I don't have much experience to guide you, since I haven't had a real girlfriend before (lots of girls that are friends, though). That's half-due to my personality (very reserved in person; especially at large social gatherings where you're actually supposed to meet people), and half-due to pickiness on my part. I'm looking for someone very special. Still haven't found her.

Don't worry Teele, you aren't the only one that hasn't had a girlfriend yet. I'm pretty much a shut-in most of the time, which makes it kinda hard.

Well logically, you two are right, however in this case I decided to go for it. Here is the message that I just sent to her:

Quote :

I know this is coming a little early, but happy V-Day, marine girl.

Also, there's something that I could use your advise on. You see, back in highschool, I met this amazing girl during my senor year in english class. She was beautiful, laid back and just a cool person and I had a crush on her. However I lost contact with her after we graduated (i.e. I chickened out of asking for her e-mail or phone number).

Though late last year I finally got a myspace and decided to see her a friend request and thankfully she accepted. Anyways after checking out some of her pics I see that she is still incedibly beautful and that crush has decided to come back. So, in your opinion, what would be a good way of finding out if I have a shot with this girl?

With this, even if she turns be down, I at least hope I made her smile by being kinda original in the way I said it. Also, while it might hurt to get shot down, it's better to know for certain rather than wonder what if.

Ya never know if you don't try. I would say your chances are slim at best but you never know, perhaps (if at all possible!) you could send her a message saying that if you ever make it down to where she is if you guys can catch up for a drink or vice-versa.

Good luck though!

good luck, dude.

Go for it, Tiger.

A relationship with a Marine (or any military, probably) takes someone who can handle distance relationships anyway (in case she is ever sent overseas, etc.) and it sounds difficult. But there are people who hold these relationships together anyway.

You might just be the right kind of person to do that, I don't know.

After all, it used to be that we wouldn't consider a job for my hubby if there was any travel involved at all. Now he's an OTR (over the road) truck driver and is only home 6 days/mo. In the current economy his job is one of the more stable ones so he's more or less stuck staying in it.

Like it or not, my relationship became largely long-distance. And we're surviving. It's not easy but it can be done.

Thanks Foxee.

Ok, so this was her responce

Quote :

well thanks...

as for your question, i say you never know unless you try but u should rememer its been almost 5 years and people have their own things going on.. kids jobs, school, marriage, everything... i just got out of a long relationship by my choice and i am completely unhappy with my decision- but u know that it was the right thing to do and not to mention that i am leavig to go work about 120 plus hours again and i know better then to bother, people just wind up dissapointed when I suck at returning phone calls or goig out ever.. but in my mind, my job is my first priority now and maybe one day i will change that but the job i want i finally got so that will be my only focus for the next 3 years. so hey i dunno, i hate to have regrets but just be mature about what you decide to do- things may be great or dissapointing for you but its not really somethng that you have control over.

happy late v-day back. i gotta get some homework done, night

And this is what I said:

Quote :

Well, as you have probably guessed, I was talking about you in that message.

I know that five years is a long time, and believe me, I regret not getting your e-mail or number back in highschool so that I couldn't stayed in contact with you. I aslo realize that the marines probably keep you very busy and I did read on your page that you'll always pick your job first and that any guy your seeing will have to be sastified with being a close second. Plus add to that that you're in San Diego while I'm still in Thurmont, so it will be a very long distance relationship.

All that being said, if you're willing, I'd like to give it a try. However, if due to the complications I mentioned above you don't think it'd work, or if you aren't ready to try being in another relationship yet, I fully understand. In which case, I hope that you and I can be friends.

So, once again, I have to wait. No matter how this turns out, I am glad I at least tried.

I think it was a good response you gave her. You didn't push her and told her you understood her position. I admire you for that

Hey I just read the whole thing and I think you're handeling it well. You're showing her that now you are old enough to show that you are interested but, like Fayte said, you're also smart enough not to push her in any way. I think that's all you can do. And hey, I'm dutch and I had a boyfriend in South Africa (which is basically on the other side of the world for me) and we got it to work. Although it was painful not to be with each other for long periods of time, it was all the better when we did see each other. So go for it, for sure! You never know

Mate, I salute your bravery. I wish I had half the balls you had. The messages you wrote are nothing short of romantic pieces of genius, and if things work out, it won't be because of what you wrote.

Which is about all that I can say, seeing how I'm the last person you want advice from in these things.

SD, I am deeply impressed and applaud your nerve. You're being very respectful while at the same time forthright and clear about what you mean.

Kudos! Whether it works out or not know that you really did well.

Hum, I have a little problem of my own at the moment. I am currently in what seems to be my best relationship ever, and I'm absolutely terrified because of it. Understand that my first boyfriend cheated on me with 8 other girls or so (this is the amount he told me, others have told me there might've been more) and that we had an on-and-off-relationship for about a year and a half. Ever since I always pushed men away, even though I liked them a lot or even thought I was in love. I always end up hurting others and myself within 3 months.

My boyfriend and me have been together for 4 months on Thursday and it's going really well. He gives me butterflies (I haven't had that feeling in 5 years!) makes me laugh and just makes me feel comfortable. But here's my problem: it's going so well I get the feeling something must go wrong somewhere, sometime. He keeps ensuring me that there is nothing wrong (I have talked to him about this whole thing) and that he loves me, but I can't help feeling really scared. He went to London yesterday for a week, and when he called last night to say he safely arrived, I told him it was good to hear his voice and he said: "Whoa, you're really *attached aren't you?". (*CG, if or when you read this: do you know a better word for aanhankelijk? -the meaning of attached in Dutch for all non Dutchies-) EEEK! He actually meant it as a joke, but it still shocked me. I don't want to be the touchy feely i-want-to-be-with-you-every-second-of-the-day girlfriend, nor the distant i'll-see-you-when-i-see-you gf. But I can't seem to find a good middle between those two.

I have no idea if this is clear to you. I just needed it off my chest.

No better word comes to mind... it's somewhere between attatched and dependent. You'll have to excuse the lack of proper vocabulary, a 1/2 inch person is chopping away at my brain at the moment.

I do however know a lovely english phrase to describe what you're going trough; self fulfilling prophecy. Trsut me, if you keep this 'something must go wrong'-thing up, something will go wrong, and you'll be less capable of handling it.

As far as the want-to-be-with-him-day-and-night thing goes; did you try talking to him about that? Yes, I'm an idiot; I actualy prefer to talk about these things instead of wondering. (Except when it comes to the girl I actualy like offcourse.)

Wouldn't worry about it to much. If being to attached is your biggest problem, I think you're a pretty damn lucky girl, and he's a equaly lucky guy.

Hey, iMazed, I agree with CG. Plus, the initial new relationship thing with wanting to be together all the time does wear off a little bit with time. Here's hoping it sticks around to some degree, though, because it's nice.

Agreed with CG and Fox. The only thing I would add is something we've all been told (hopefully) at one point or another:

Be yourself.

I bring you the conclusion of the SD-Marine Girl saga. Basically I got nicely shot down. But no bridges were burnt so to speak, so we can still be friends. And who knows, maybe a few years down the road when she isn't as busy with her career and isn't coming out of a bad relationship then maybe it will be possible. For now, I'm happy to just have her as a friend.

I'd say things turned out well! If you don't lose touch, as you say, there's always a chance. It does sound like a rotten time for her right now.

Good job, SD!