Your favorite show/movie/book reduced

Shiro: I want to help everyone.

Shinji: Hey Shiro, clean the clubhouse so I can go hang out with all these hot girls.

Shiro: I'd be happy to give away my entire afternoon and evening so you can go hang out with a bunch of hot girls, and don't worry, I don't think you're a dick no matter what they all say.

Rin: Good, nobody's around, that means I can let archer off the leash and fight.

Archer: I will proceed to demonstrate just a small portion of my badassness over the course of this series. I am GAR.

Shiro: Gollee, look at the time, and somehow I'm still around. I wonder why those two guys dressed in weird clothes are fighting.

Lancer: Hi. *Stabs Shiro in the heart and leaves.*

Rin: Bye. *Fixes the stab wound and leaves.*

Shiro: *Goes home and wonders why there's a hole in his shirt.*

Lancer: Hi.

Shiro: I shall fight your spear with my sheet-metal poster.

Shiro: Run away!

Saber: Hello master. Are we sure this is an anime? I'm the leading lady and yet I'm not wearing a chain-mail bikini. Oh well, die Lancer!

Lancer: Run away!

Rin: Hi Shiro. This is a seven way war for the Holy GrailTM Saber is your servant, Archer is mine. They are Legendary HerosTM from Time ImmemorialTM. They don't give out their real names in order to hide their Ultimate AttacksTM. Eventually we're going to have to kill each other, but since I have the hots for you I'll save you for last, want to be friends in the meantime?

Shiro: Sure. I'll save everyone by winning this war.

Archer: Idiot.

Saber: Idiot.

Rin: Idiot.

Illya: Idiot.

Everyone: Where did you come from?

Berserker: Rarrgh *The mighty Hercules will slay you all*

Illya: The mighty Hercules will slay you all.

Saber: Run Shiro. The mighty Hercules will slay us all.

Rin: Run Shiro. The mighty Hercules will slay us all.

Shiro: I will save them all, especially Saber, the one who's going to be doing all the fighting from here on out.

Berserker: Rarrgh *I will cut you in two since my sword is too big to stab you with.*

Shiro: Hurgh.

Shiro: *Wakes up* Where's the big cut in my side?

Rin: You got better.

Shiro:Oh, ok, I guess I'll be heading off to school then.

Saber: Shiro. If anything happens you call me all right? I'm here to fight, and only to fight. Fighting is what I did my entire life. Fighting is what I'll do for all of eternity. I can totally take you in an arm-wrestling match.

Shiro: *crosses fingers behind back* No problem. *leaves for school*

Rider: I'm a creepy-hot, purple-haired, blindfolded chick who gives off all sorts of scary vibes. In reality I'm a pretty nice person, but I'm going to kill you anyway because my master is a dick.

Shiro: I will totally kick your creepy chain-wielding ass.

Rider: *stabs him and hangs him from a tree*

Shiro: I never thought I would be brought so low as to have to say this.........mommy.

Saber: You called? *Sizes up situation* Idiot.

Shinji: No kidding.

Saber: Eat Beam 'O War, scum. EXCALIBUR!

Rider: Hurgh.

Shinji: Run away!

Illya: Hello Mister. Fancy meeting you in this dark corner where nobody else is. This isn't creepy at all. Not in the least.

Berserker: Rarrgh *The mighty Hercules will slay you for being such a massive dick.*

Shinji: Hurgh.

Archer: I will now proceed to reveal to you the true meaning of GAR. *attacks Berserker*

Berserker: Hurgh...Hurgh...Hurgh...Hurgh...Hurgh...Rarrgh!

Archer: Hurgh.

Shiro: I think I'll try to make a sword with my mind.

Saber: Hey, that's my sword you jackass!

Shiro + Saber: *Stabs Berserker.*

Berserker: Hurgh...Hurgh...Hurgh...Hurgh...Hurgh...Hurgh...Hurgh

Shiro: Man, I'm beat. Let's go home.

Saber: I think I'll take a nice hot bath.

Shiro: I think I'll take a nice hot bath. *opens door*

Saber: *blink, blink* I'm sorry I'm not hot like Rin is. Please stop looking at me.

Shiro: Sngrlx

Caster: Ah, perfect time to start my dark ritual. *Kidnaps Shinji's sister who is totally nice...really she is.*

Shiro: I will save her! Help me Rin.

Rin: Well I have nothing else to do.

Caster: Puny Mortals!

Gilgamesh: Behold my badassness! Prettyboy not-withstanding I'm even more GAR than Archer himself! Beam-Spam Attack!

Caster: Hurgh.

Gilgamesh: Marry me Saber!

Saber: Get lost pervert.

Shiro: BTW Saber, I love you. How about if we give up on this whole Holy GrailTM thing, settle down, and have little armor-clad babies?

Saber: No, but I love you too. Pervert. Now stop looking at me.

Priest: I hate to interrupt you two lovebirds, but I just wanted to let you know that I'm Gilgamesh's master, oh and Lancer's.

Lancer: What?!?!?!?!?! You jackass! How come you didn't tell me?

Priest: Through my massive Xanatos Gambit. I have managed to infiltrate this Holy GrailTM war since I lost the last one. BTW the Holy GrailTM is evil and will end up destroying humanity. I just want to help it along a little. It's just my way of helping all the little girls and boys out there in the world.

Shiro: You jackass *turns to Saber* You want to reconsider my offer?

Saber: No. Let's destroy the Holy GrailTM so it doesn't destroy humanity.

Shiro: Fine by me. I just wish you didn't have to die in the process.

Gilgamesh: Beam-Spam Attack!

Saber: Beam-Spam Mirror, AVALON! Followed up in combo with EXCALIBUR!

Gilgamesh: Hurgh.

Saber: By the way Shiro, I was wondering, didn't it ever cross your mind that I'm supposed to be a guy?

Shiro: *stabs priest* Huh? No, no it never did.

Holy GrailTM: *explodes*

Saber: *sparkly dissapearing sequence*

Rin: So, Shiro. How do you feel now that Saber's dead?

Shiro: Not too bad. I got to save everyone. You?

Rin: I'm fine. You want to go get some ice-cream?

Shiro: Sure, why not?

Raki: Look a Yoma!

Clare: *Stab*

Raki: You saved me! Now I’m going to follow you around and cook for you even though you don’t eat.

Clare: No.

Raki: Yes.

Clare: Ok.

Clare: She was my friend but now she’s Awakening. Nothing can save her. I better stab her before she turns into an Awakened One.

Clare: And now I am turning into an Awakened One because I used my Yoma powers to much. You have to stab me before I turn completely.

Raki: No! I will turn you back, even though it’s not supposed to be possible, and even though I have no special abilities of my own. In fact, it is the only useful thing I will do the entire series.

Clare: I’m saved. Now I better have a *flashback*

Teresa: I’m so bad ass I save a little girl and then punch her around.

Clare: Hi I’m a mute and obnoxious girl who will follow you around and remind the future me of Raki.

Teresa: Oh no, I now love this little girl. Better dump her in a village.

Teresa: Oh no, the village is being attacked, I better save thye girl again, killing a human even though in doing so I'll be hunted down by my own organisation.

Pricilla: I kill you!

Teresa: I spare you.

Pricilla: I become an Awakened One, then kill you.

Clare: Now I become a claymore to avenge Teresa by killing the awakened one Pricilla, which was the only reason we wasted four episodes on flashbacks anyway.

Clare: *Present* Hi, I’m Clare. Let’s kill Awakened an Awakened One. Oh noes, we fail. Luckily I got my supersecretsupermove that turns out to be utterly useless in the end.

Ophelia: We fight. I win. I lose. I Awaken. We fight. I lose.

Clare: And in the mean time, I learned a new supersecretsupermove. Now let’s fight more Awakened One and let’s look for Raki, who I send away for no obvious reason. I fight an Awakened One. I lose. I win. I lose. It’s a tie! They tell me to go north, heck, why not.

Twenty Claymores: We fight Awakened Ones!

Awakened Ones: We brutally murder you! Oh no, Clare Awakens and brutally murders all of us for no obvious reason other than the fact she keeps saying she wants to be faster. We’re beaten.

Raki: Hi, I’m back! And I have been travelling with this girl named Pricilla, who is obviously the girl Clare wants to kill, but in the end, she won’t, because I stop her after she has been completely Awakened, again, for no obvious reason.

Everyone: This ending sucks.